Jealousy kills. Try to pretend not to hear or see anything that has got to do with A. Try to be cool about everything that has to do with A. Ignorance. Pretend. Still, I have to admit that I am not. I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m hurt, I’m lost. I want you to have nothing to do with A. I force, because I’m jealous. I hate it when you say you are trying very hard. I hate it more when you say it will be done soon. Knowing that you have a reason not to push so hard, I still hate you for your action.
Every time you say you will be done soon, I will be wondering how soon. Every time you tell me you quarrel with A, I ask myself how long more. You couldn’t answer me if I were to ask you, because you do not even know the answer. And that makes me hate you a little more.
I’m selfish, you may think. But I begin to hate the word ‘soon’.
But, I hated myself the most. Hate myself for everything. Funny, hilarious, joke. I’m a clown. I’m the writer, director and the actress for this whole story. I made a fool out of myself.
I believe you, that you love me, that soon it will be done, that soon we will together, that soon you will be just mine, that soon you will be free from the unwanted shit, that you will be who you used to be. You don’t have to worry, no need to be stuck in a difficult position, to choose A(me) and not A(her).
I don’t want any promises, I don’t need any explanation. I just want you to tell me how long is your soon.
